Noah's Great Escape Plan

Two weeks ago, there was supposed to be a funny post about sending three boys back to school. How the fall breeze ruffled their hair. How five days previously, they had met their teachers, sought out their classrooms, and Jon and Noah had discovered they had their best friends in their classes this year. All in all, it was supposed to be a joyous, happy, stress free time and a short post. Instead you are getting a long, overdue post, which was nothing like I had planned to write, but rather an accounting of what actually happened rather than what I had envisioned.

Jonathon had a terrible first day of school because he had to copy off of the black board. Actually, he had a terrible first day because the four days building up to the first day he had convinced himself he was going to have a bad first day. Copying off the board was just the thing that was the trigger so he could home and say, "See I told you school was going to be awful! I knew it!" It was meltdown city at the Tolbert house for twelve straight hours. The poor kid only slept about six hours after first day of school and that's because the Benadryl he takes for seasonal allergies kicked in and allowed him to relax enough to sleep.

Fortunately, most of that has been resolved. Now, he loves his teacher, he scored 100% on his first Spelling test (which is a huge deal after the year we had last year), his confidence is increasing and his anxiety lessening, and he is not fighting us about going to school like he did last year. In the near future, I am going to be posting a blog about Jonathon, the functional vision therapy attends, as well as the challenges and the joys we have gone through with him the past year.

I debated about writing about it since the blog has been mostly entertainment, but decided, hey it's my blog, I can post whatever I want. Actually, I realized it's parental dishonesty not to write about the challenges Rich and I have faced with Jonathon. While it might be a gift to see the comedy in the stressful moments, there are long stretches of moments where there is more stress than comedy in parenting, and sometimes it is just as helpful for other parents to read about the challenges as well as the levity.

Brandon's first day of school went much better than last years first day. He actually stayed in his classroom this year and did not try to run away. Brandon attends 4 year kindergarten at the YMCA; in the afternoons. This year I did not find him at the circulation desk telling me that he was bored, so he gave his Play-doh to his best buddy and left the classroom. This year he has made a new best friend, Sam, and another friend Pax.

I went to help out Brandon's class on Thursday, and discovered that Brandon is a little ringleader. Which should not surprise me, but at home he mostly aligns himself with Jon. It was so interesting to watch that little turkey at school leading the other kids into NOT listening to the CD when it yelled FREEZE. Every time the guy on the CD said "FREEZE!" Brandon said, "NEVER!" and kept moving. Pretty soon, there were five little boys yelling "NEVER!" back at the CD and still moving. I just watched, not horribly surprised, a tiny bit impressed, and mostly resigned to lots of parent teacher conferences for this kid.

Lauren, while not in school, has started Toddler Gymnastics and is loving every moment of it. The Popsicle bribe actually worked and she is about 99% potty trained with a very occasional accident. Thanks to some very generous friends, who gave Lauren enough hand me downs to clothe three children this summer, she will now only wear dresses and tights. Lucky me, I get to go buy her winter dresses and tights to support the habit. While the boys were at school on Wednesday, Rich and I did take her out for lunch at Chili's and bought her a Green Bay Packer's dress to kick off the season. Not my usual Goodwill/used kids clothes store/rummage sale standard, but I was willing to make an exception this time.

Normally, I try to update the stories about the kids in order. This time, however, Noah's update is at the end for a reason. I had to save the best for last or the rest of the stories would have been anti- climatic.

Noah had a great first day of school. Noah has an awesome teacher, is being pulled out twice a week for Gifted and Talented Math because he sees patterns in Math that us mere mortals do not understand, and in general, goes about school with the attitude, "If I do well in school, don't get grounded during the week, I can play video games on the weekend."

However, I found out on Thursday, Noah has had something else on his mind. There is a little girl at school that wants to marry Noah. To protect the innocent, and save Noah teasing on the holidays, I will call her Little Girl X.

Driving home from school Thursday, I hear Noah's voice from the back of the van, very upset, very concerned, and the following words come rushing out: "Mom, Little Girl X says she is going to marry me when we are grown up. She's going to make me. I really don't want to marry her. She can't make me marry her. Can she make me marry her, Mom? I can't marry her can I, Mom? Please say No. I'm too young to die!!"

I don't know how I kept the van on the road, let alone kept a straight face. I reassured Noah that he most definitely did NOT have to marry the young girl in question, that grownups are not forced to marry one another, no matter how much one party may insist upon marriage. Noah's response to this was, "Whew, Thank Goodness! Now I can finally get some sleep! I was so worried about this! Thanks Mom!"

But, as is always the case with Noah, the story doesn't end there. It gets even better. Friday night, Noah was talking to his friend Eric, who was spending the night at our house. Noah was explaining the dire situation to his best buddy. "Eric, I can't let Little Girl X marry me. If I get married, you, me, and James aren't going to able to get our apartment together and play video games all day. Help me think of a plan so she can't find me and make me marry her. Fast." Well, after about two or three minutes of brainstorming, Eric decides that Noah can send this girl an email.

Noah excitedly picks it up from there: "I've got it! I'll send her an email that says we live in Texas! No, Arizona, Phoenix, because that's the desert! It's really hot there. She can go there and look for me." Eric (concerned)replies: "Noah, I don't want to live in Texas or Arizona. It's hot and too far from my mom." Noah (still excited) says: "That's the great idea of the plan. We're not moving. We'll be playing video games in our apartment in Stevens Point with James the whole time. She'll be hot and mad and searching the desert and won't be able to find us. When she calls our cell phone try to find us we just won't answer it. Isn't that a great plan?"

Of course, this is followed by a round of high fives, oh yeahs, this is the best idea ever, we're so smart, and me with tears in my eyes from laughing. Thank goodness they could not see me. Wisely, I am staying out of this whole scheme and keeping my opinions to myself. As long as Noah is not under the impression that I am subsidizing the apartment and cell phone while he play his video games with James and Eric all day, he can have his plans and great ideas. Unencumbered by marriage.