One of the challenges of keeping a blog about the (mis)adventures of the kids is when we are having a relatively quite period, it does not occur to me to update the blog. To report something like: "The kids are too afraid to pull something after the Minnesota trip and have been reasonably well behaved." is accurate, but not very entertaining. However, at my friends wedding reception last night, which was informal and a wonderful time, it was requested that the story of how I...um..."convinced" Lauren to wear big girl underwear be put in the blog.
Since there has not been much to report, here is the story:
In mid-May, Princess Lauren was well on her way to becoming diaper free. Everything was wonderful, we had some accidents, typical potty training stuff that I am not going elaborate upon. And then it just stopped. She was wearing diapers. That was it. She would cry and scream and lay in her bed and take her underwear off and stay in her bed. She was NOT wearing underwear. It really isn't uncommon for kids to go backward or want the comfort of diapers when potty training, but not to this degree.
So right, wrong, or indifferent, but probably mostly wrong, Rich and I let her go back to diapers, thinking it would only last for a little bit, she would be uncomfortable in them and want her underwear back. MOSTLY WRONG. Lauren wore her diapers until they were so heavy they would just plop off onto the floor and then would try to tape them back on. She would look like a little penguin waddling around with these disgusting things on, but she was afraid to let me change her, less I said the dreaded "should we put your big girl underwear on you?" or "Do you want to go potty on the toilet?"
Finally, I had enough of this. One Sunday night I looked Princess Lauren in eye before she went to bed. This was the conversation:
Me: "Lauren, When you wake up tomorrow morning you are not wearing diapers anymore, you are wearing big girl underwear. Do you understand?"
Lauren: "Yes, mommy."
Me: "Diaper in garbage, underwear on butt."
Monday arrived and Lauren was doing everything in power NOT to give up that diaper. So I did what every good mom would do. I brought out THE BRIBE. I really had no intention of bribing Lauren to take off her diaper until the words were out my mouth, but once the words were out, there was no going back. I simply asked, "Who wants a Popsicle before breakfast?" Which was met with a course of, "I do's! and "Me's!" So I replied that "Whoever is dressed and wearing underwear before the timer goes off gets a Popsicle for breakfast!"
Which worked great for the boys. Lauren really had to think about giving up that diaper. She still was not so sure that a Popsicle was a great trade for a life time of being diaper free, but she did make the trade before the deadline. To date, she has been doing a respectable job with potty training. And as reported in a previous blog, has not only been wearing her underwear, but showing them to entire gas stations.
Also, I would be remiss if I did not point out that while I was trying to bribe Lauren, Noah was questioning me the entire time about my parenting skills with the following questions. "Mom, why are you giving us Popsicles so early in morning? What is a bribe? Do you think it's a good idea to bribe Lauren this way? You don't bribe us like this. Are you sure this is the right thing to do?"
Let me tell you there is nothing like a seven year olds questions giving voice to the misgivings already in your head to bolster your wavering confidence.
I told Noah flat out that I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, but if he had any better ideas I was open to suggestions. Otherwise, he had to two choices: Either eat his bribe and be quiet, or go in his room without his bribe and be quiet. Wisely, Noah took choice number one and everyone was happily wearing their underwear and slurping on Popsicles.
Well, Jerry and Jim, I hope you enjoyed your blog request since your other requests are definitely not going to make it into the blog; this blog maintains a rating of PG-13. It used to be G, but I feel my kids choice of language warrants a higher rating.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Clarifications & Vacation Bible School
Apparently, given some of the questions I have received and one statement made by my husband, I need to make some clarifications regarding the previous two posts. Here they are:
1. When Jonathon had his little, shall we say outburst, he was referring to Noah's habit of leaving the Game Boy in the minivan, without turning it off, so that the battery (juice) is dead for the next user, who has to find the charger, plug it in, etc. Which, while not life altering, is mighty annoying, having been victim to it myself. However, and as was discussed with Jon, was not a justification for his word choice.
2. When Lauren rolled the bubble gum in her dress, it wasn't already chewed. It was a package of Bubble Tape, which is bubble gum that comes in a circular plastic case. The plastic case where the bubble was contained is what she actually rolled up in her dress. I had just paid for the gum and we were very close to the entrance of the gas station when that little scene took place. Thank Goodness it wasn't already chewed. Trying to get out ABC bubble gum out of her dress while covering up her princess underwear and keeping track of the boys probably would have been the thing that had me permanently committed to the Home for Clinically Insane Mothers.
3. I was informed by Richard, in a very persnickety voice, that the children did NOT show my husband how to use the game feature on his Blackberry, that he had already figured it out before they had showed him, and "Even I know how to play PONG!" The kids told me they showed Daddy how to play his game. In turn, I misrepresented the actual facts in the previous blog. I apologize. To my readers and my husband.
4. Jon and Noah have both learned about God and the Bible. Shockingly, neither have died nor run away from home like promised. I did not explain Bible School before they heard me enrolling them and they had the misconception that it was like real school. They wanted no part of real school any earlier than necessary. Again, not a justification, but just a little insight so I am better prepared for next time.
Vacation Bible School is going better than expected. Everyone really enjoys it. Although, you would never guess by watching Brandon because he keeps trying to run out the front door. However, when I told him he and I were not going to come back on Wednesday, he started crying that he really loves being at Bible School. Would who ever forgot to return the parenting manual "How to Read Your Child's Mind?" to library please do so now? It is way overdue. And I need it. Yesterday.
Lauren is just so much fun to watch sing the songs, make her crafts, and play the games. Each child is experiencing Bible School at different level, but it is so interesting to watch the older children help the younger children. The older girls just love taking Lauren around and helping her with activities.
So far, so good though. No fires or major damage at the church. I am mostly sane and last night was finally able to get Brandon back on a regular sleep schedule after the disruption "vacation" caused. Nine (mostly) solid hours of sleep and the world is good again.
1. When Jonathon had his little, shall we say outburst, he was referring to Noah's habit of leaving the Game Boy in the minivan, without turning it off, so that the battery (juice) is dead for the next user, who has to find the charger, plug it in, etc. Which, while not life altering, is mighty annoying, having been victim to it myself. However, and as was discussed with Jon, was not a justification for his word choice.
2. When Lauren rolled the bubble gum in her dress, it wasn't already chewed. It was a package of Bubble Tape, which is bubble gum that comes in a circular plastic case. The plastic case where the bubble was contained is what she actually rolled up in her dress. I had just paid for the gum and we were very close to the entrance of the gas station when that little scene took place. Thank Goodness it wasn't already chewed. Trying to get out ABC bubble gum out of her dress while covering up her princess underwear and keeping track of the boys probably would have been the thing that had me permanently committed to the Home for Clinically Insane Mothers.
3. I was informed by Richard, in a very persnickety voice, that the children did NOT show my husband how to use the game feature on his Blackberry, that he had already figured it out before they had showed him, and "Even I know how to play PONG!" The kids told me they showed Daddy how to play his game. In turn, I misrepresented the actual facts in the previous blog. I apologize. To my readers and my husband.
4. Jon and Noah have both learned about God and the Bible. Shockingly, neither have died nor run away from home like promised. I did not explain Bible School before they heard me enrolling them and they had the misconception that it was like real school. They wanted no part of real school any earlier than necessary. Again, not a justification, but just a little insight so I am better prepared for next time.
Vacation Bible School is going better than expected. Everyone really enjoys it. Although, you would never guess by watching Brandon because he keeps trying to run out the front door. However, when I told him he and I were not going to come back on Wednesday, he started crying that he really loves being at Bible School. Would who ever forgot to return the parenting manual "How to Read Your Child's Mind?" to library please do so now? It is way overdue. And I need it. Yesterday.
Lauren is just so much fun to watch sing the songs, make her crafts, and play the games. Each child is experiencing Bible School at different level, but it is so interesting to watch the older children help the younger children. The older girls just love taking Lauren around and helping her with activities.
So far, so good though. No fires or major damage at the church. I am mostly sane and last night was finally able to get Brandon back on a regular sleep schedule after the disruption "vacation" caused. Nine (mostly) solid hours of sleep and the world is good again.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
More Updates
The last post was getting rather lengthy, but did not cover all the thing that have been going on here as of late, so here are the rest of the updates.
Friday, I called to enroll the kids in Vacation Bible School. As I was talking to the church coordinator to enroll all four children, Jonathon and Noah were in the background screaming, yes that is the correct adjective, such gems, such as, "You can't make me learn about God!" and "I won't read the Bible!" and "I won't behave at that school!"
Seriously, is there a support group for this kind of thing? Or a punch card? Like after so many embarrassing episodes parents automatically receive a day at a spa? After I hung up the phone, I thought I was going to have to go Bible School so they could perform an exorcism on me because my head was spinning and I was screaming. Not the "f" word my eight year old seemed to like, but more like, "What have I told you about screaming when I am on the phone, etc., blah, blah, blahity, blah, blah."
Princess Lauren celebrated her third birthday yesterday. We had family and friends over to help us commemorate yesterday. In a moment of complete insanity and impulsiveness, I bought a pinata, which was a huge success. Lauren's godparents, Rebecca and Clint, bought her a dress-up trunk, which contains different "princess outfits" that she can mix and match to her hearts content. Lauren loves it. She wanted to sleep in one of her outfits, of course. Personally, I think some of these outfits are a little more "Crackhead Barbie" than "Pretty, Pretty Princess," but then I remember what I wore in the nineties and how I did my hair and realize I have no right to judge.
Jonathon and Brandon will start soccer at the YMCA on Saturday's starting September. Noah will start Flag Football then. Rich & I will be coaching those teams, respectively. Also, Jonathon will be in competitive soccer next year, playing for a Portage County team, traveling and going to tournaments, so we are very excited for him to pursue his passion of soccer at the next level. Noah will be pursuing his love of baseball at the same time, but traveling baseball doesn't start until he is eleven years old, so he has a few more years of games in Stevens Point before his traveling opportunities starts.
As of September 4, Jon starts 3rd grade, Noah 2nd grade, and Brandon will be in 4 year old kindergarten in the afternoons. The boys are very excited for the new school year to start, and as usual I have mixed feelings. I am excited and a little sad that my boys are growing up so quickly. By week three of school I will (mostly) be relieved and happy that I am not their one woman entertainment director anymore. School supplies and clothes are mostly bought. Jon and Noah need tennis shoes, but I am afraid to buy them less they grow three sizes between now and September 4.
Rich is gearing up for the fall sporting season. BWW issued the Regional Managers "Crackberries", or Blackberries as they referred to by polite society, so he is learning how to use all the features. I am sure the kids could figure it for him. They already showed him how to use the game features.
My migraines are much better. I am graduated from physical therapy and feel like I have some of my life back now that I don't have a constant headache. I do not know how people in chronic pain manage on a daily basis. It is draining to go through every day being that uncomfortable.
Well, Vacation Bible School starts tomorrow. I am sure there will be nothing relaxing or vacationing about it, so I will keep you posted.
Friday, I called to enroll the kids in Vacation Bible School. As I was talking to the church coordinator to enroll all four children, Jonathon and Noah were in the background screaming, yes that is the correct adjective, such gems, such as, "You can't make me learn about God!" and "I won't read the Bible!" and "I won't behave at that school!"
Seriously, is there a support group for this kind of thing? Or a punch card? Like after so many embarrassing episodes parents automatically receive a day at a spa? After I hung up the phone, I thought I was going to have to go Bible School so they could perform an exorcism on me because my head was spinning and I was screaming. Not the "f" word my eight year old seemed to like, but more like, "What have I told you about screaming when I am on the phone, etc., blah, blah, blahity, blah, blah."
Princess Lauren celebrated her third birthday yesterday. We had family and friends over to help us commemorate yesterday. In a moment of complete insanity and impulsiveness, I bought a pinata, which was a huge success. Lauren's godparents, Rebecca and Clint, bought her a dress-up trunk, which contains different "princess outfits" that she can mix and match to her hearts content. Lauren loves it. She wanted to sleep in one of her outfits, of course. Personally, I think some of these outfits are a little more "Crackhead Barbie" than "Pretty, Pretty Princess," but then I remember what I wore in the nineties and how I did my hair and realize I have no right to judge.
Jonathon and Brandon will start soccer at the YMCA on Saturday's starting September. Noah will start Flag Football then. Rich & I will be coaching those teams, respectively. Also, Jonathon will be in competitive soccer next year, playing for a Portage County team, traveling and going to tournaments, so we are very excited for him to pursue his passion of soccer at the next level. Noah will be pursuing his love of baseball at the same time, but traveling baseball doesn't start until he is eleven years old, so he has a few more years of games in Stevens Point before his traveling opportunities starts.
As of September 4, Jon starts 3rd grade, Noah 2nd grade, and Brandon will be in 4 year old kindergarten in the afternoons. The boys are very excited for the new school year to start, and as usual I have mixed feelings. I am excited and a little sad that my boys are growing up so quickly. By week three of school I will (mostly) be relieved and happy that I am not their one woman entertainment director anymore. School supplies and clothes are mostly bought. Jon and Noah need tennis shoes, but I am afraid to buy them less they grow three sizes between now and September 4.
Rich is gearing up for the fall sporting season. BWW issued the Regional Managers "Crackberries", or Blackberries as they referred to by polite society, so he is learning how to use all the features. I am sure the kids could figure it for him. They already showed him how to use the game features.
My migraines are much better. I am graduated from physical therapy and feel like I have some of my life back now that I don't have a constant headache. I do not know how people in chronic pain manage on a daily basis. It is draining to go through every day being that uncomfortable.
Well, Vacation Bible School starts tomorrow. I am sure there will be nothing relaxing or vacationing about it, so I will keep you posted.
Kids will be Kids (And Drive Their Mother Crazy
It has not been for a lack of stories that has caused me to be so remiss in my blog posting duties; rather a lack of sleep. The kids and I have been in Minnesota visiting Aunt Trish, wreaking havoc there, although I would like to state, for the record, we were in Wisconsin when the bridge collapsed. Brandon was no where near it and in no way responsible. (I can tell you who I think was, but that involves politics and words not suited to this family-friendly blog. I can also tell that my heart and prayers go out to the people impacted by that horrific incident. )
Lauren is pretty much over her fear of animals. Trish and Uncle Mark have a cat named Fidget, nicknamed Fidgey-butt or Fidgey, with whom Lauren is absolutely enthralled. She pet Fidgey, followed her, talked to her, laid on her belly next to, and even went as far as to cover up Fidgey with her (Lauren's) favorite pink blanket. It was funny and adorable.
Trish needed to get somethings ready for shipping, so she brought a box upstairs. Well, it was hard to say who made it to the box first, the cat or Lauren, or who had a better time playing in it. At one point, the two of them were in the box together. At another, Fidgey was in the box, but Lauren had put her blanket over the top of the box and was playing "Peek-a-boo" with her. Lauren would say, "Where's Fidgey-butt?" then lift up the blanket and yell, "Peek-a-boo!" The cat didn't seem to mind, so all was well.
On the same trip my eight year old decided to see if knew how to use the "F" word in proper context. Let me assure you that he absolutely does. He will never, ever have a problem using that word if the need should arise. Thankfully, we were not in public, not that it makes it better, but I have about all I can take of kids pushing my buttons in public this week as latter parts of the blog will reveal, so I considered it a small mercy that I didn't have an audience for this particular scene.
So, we are at Trish's house, I am on way downstairs to get something, and Jonathon asks me, "Mom, where is the GameBoy?" just a calm, nothing out of the ordinary kind of question. I respond, in a normal, ordinary, kind of mom way, "The last place I remember seeing it is in the mini van, next to Noah's booster seat." Jonathon's replies with, "Oh, that's great. He probably left it on and sucked all the f***** juice out of it." My jaw hit the ground. His jaw hit the ground. AND he immediately responded with, "What, you and Dad say that word sometimes when you are driving!" To which I immediately responded with (inside my head) "And my husband wonders why I have migraines?" but what I said is, "Jonathon, Dad and I do not use that word all the time when we drive. We have talked about how nasty and inappropriate that word is. Blah....Blah....Blah....Blah...."
This kid made it sound like every time Rich and I get behind the wheel every other word is a swear word. I dealt with it accordingly, but what I really want to know is how long Jon has been dying to try that word out. I know that is what most of that little episode was about. Jonathon hears curse words on TV, and yes, from Rich and I occasionally, but never feels a need to use to them. Although, he was told opportunity would taste like soap and feel like grounded from video games for two weeks if ever used that word again.
Brandon didn't do anything really "cute" or funny this trip unless you consider that every time we tried to take him to a public place he threw some kind of a fit. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to do whatever we were doing first, first. He wanted me to buy him a $200.00 Lego kit that was designed for kids ages 10 and up and told me I was a mean mom when I said absolutely not. He told me it wasn't fair that he had to eat his hamburger before I let him get chocolate ice cream with Nerds candy at Culvers. He almost took out seven different people with a toy sword at the Mall of America, so I took the sword away and would not let him have it back. Brandon is such a bright child. He takes such pride in being able to help Lauren, count to 15 by himself (higher with help), and has an amazing imagination. I think when he says he doesn't like people, there really is some truth to that. I really believe that when Brandon said he does not like people, he meant it. He does not get that trait from his mother.
And the Award for best acting goes to....Mr. Noah Tolbert...for his portrayal of an Abused, Underfed Child at the St. Paul Children's Museum Gift Shop in front of other parents and grandparents. In a truly inspired moment, only an hour after eating a full lunch at Subway, complete with sandwich, apples, chips, and two sodas, Noah grabbed his mother around the neck in the middle of the gift shop with tears in his eyes, saying loudly, "PLEASE, PLEASE, Mommy, LET me get something to EAT. I am just SO HUNGRY. I just can't stand it. I can't even think. I am soooo HUNGRY. PLEASE Mommy. Please let me get these fruit snacks."
At first I was strong. I was NOT getting the fruit snacks. We were on our way home for one thing. For another, all the kids had just eaten a full lunch an hour ago or a little less. Even if Noah had metabolized his food at the speed of light, he was not in any danger of malnutrition or dehydration. But the looks. From the other adults in the shop. Trish offered to buy him Cheez Its and I refused because I was so mad. Not at Trish at Noah. I mean there was absolutely no reason that he could not have waited. But he standing there, tears in his eyes, and every grown up in the shop is looking at me in horror, frozen, some with their hands in their wallets, reaching for snacks, counting how many kids I have, probably getting ready to buy my poor children some fruit snacks, so I caved. I still get mad thinking about it.....Noah's drama and me caving.
Since I began with a Lauren story, I will end a Lauren story. On the way home we stopped at a gas station to stretch our legs and take a bathroom break. Now, Ken York, and some you other hard core travelers, take a deep breath a remember I am traveling with four children under the age of nine, one of which is a little girl who is still working on potty training. We have to be conditioned to travel like you seasoned veterans, so we still take bathroom breaks.
All the kids were allowed to pick out one treat (but not fruit snacks). Lauren choose bubble gum. After I paid for it, she proceeded to put it in the bottom of her dress and roll it up past her belly button, of course in the middle of the gas station, giving everyone there a nice view of her underwear. I said, as I am rolling down her dress, "Lauren, Honey, no, no, sweetie, we don't wrap our bubble gum up in our dresses. No one wants to see your underwear." Lauren put her hands on her hips, bubble gum secure in one hand. She raised her chin in the air. She looked me in the eyes. And in her loftiest voice told me: "But Mommy, they're my princess underwear."
Lauren is pretty much over her fear of animals. Trish and Uncle Mark have a cat named Fidget, nicknamed Fidgey-butt or Fidgey, with whom Lauren is absolutely enthralled. She pet Fidgey, followed her, talked to her, laid on her belly next to, and even went as far as to cover up Fidgey with her (Lauren's) favorite pink blanket. It was funny and adorable.
Trish needed to get somethings ready for shipping, so she brought a box upstairs. Well, it was hard to say who made it to the box first, the cat or Lauren, or who had a better time playing in it. At one point, the two of them were in the box together. At another, Fidgey was in the box, but Lauren had put her blanket over the top of the box and was playing "Peek-a-boo" with her. Lauren would say, "Where's Fidgey-butt?" then lift up the blanket and yell, "Peek-a-boo!" The cat didn't seem to mind, so all was well.
On the same trip my eight year old decided to see if knew how to use the "F" word in proper context. Let me assure you that he absolutely does. He will never, ever have a problem using that word if the need should arise. Thankfully, we were not in public, not that it makes it better, but I have about all I can take of kids pushing my buttons in public this week as latter parts of the blog will reveal, so I considered it a small mercy that I didn't have an audience for this particular scene.
So, we are at Trish's house, I am on way downstairs to get something, and Jonathon asks me, "Mom, where is the GameBoy?" just a calm, nothing out of the ordinary kind of question. I respond, in a normal, ordinary, kind of mom way, "The last place I remember seeing it is in the mini van, next to Noah's booster seat." Jonathon's replies with, "Oh, that's great. He probably left it on and sucked all the f***** juice out of it." My jaw hit the ground. His jaw hit the ground. AND he immediately responded with, "What, you and Dad say that word sometimes when you are driving!" To which I immediately responded with (inside my head) "And my husband wonders why I have migraines?" but what I said is, "Jonathon, Dad and I do not use that word all the time when we drive. We have talked about how nasty and inappropriate that word is. Blah....Blah....Blah....Blah...."
This kid made it sound like every time Rich and I get behind the wheel every other word is a swear word. I dealt with it accordingly, but what I really want to know is how long Jon has been dying to try that word out. I know that is what most of that little episode was about. Jonathon hears curse words on TV, and yes, from Rich and I occasionally, but never feels a need to use to them. Although, he was told opportunity would taste like soap and feel like grounded from video games for two weeks if ever used that word again.
Brandon didn't do anything really "cute" or funny this trip unless you consider that every time we tried to take him to a public place he threw some kind of a fit. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to do whatever we were doing first, first. He wanted me to buy him a $200.00 Lego kit that was designed for kids ages 10 and up and told me I was a mean mom when I said absolutely not. He told me it wasn't fair that he had to eat his hamburger before I let him get chocolate ice cream with Nerds candy at Culvers. He almost took out seven different people with a toy sword at the Mall of America, so I took the sword away and would not let him have it back. Brandon is such a bright child. He takes such pride in being able to help Lauren, count to 15 by himself (higher with help), and has an amazing imagination. I think when he says he doesn't like people, there really is some truth to that. I really believe that when Brandon said he does not like people, he meant it. He does not get that trait from his mother.
And the Award for best acting goes to....Mr. Noah Tolbert...for his portrayal of an Abused, Underfed Child at the St. Paul Children's Museum Gift Shop in front of other parents and grandparents. In a truly inspired moment, only an hour after eating a full lunch at Subway, complete with sandwich, apples, chips, and two sodas, Noah grabbed his mother around the neck in the middle of the gift shop with tears in his eyes, saying loudly, "PLEASE, PLEASE, Mommy, LET me get something to EAT. I am just SO HUNGRY. I just can't stand it. I can't even think. I am soooo HUNGRY. PLEASE Mommy. Please let me get these fruit snacks."
At first I was strong. I was NOT getting the fruit snacks. We were on our way home for one thing. For another, all the kids had just eaten a full lunch an hour ago or a little less. Even if Noah had metabolized his food at the speed of light, he was not in any danger of malnutrition or dehydration. But the looks. From the other adults in the shop. Trish offered to buy him Cheez Its and I refused because I was so mad. Not at Trish at Noah. I mean there was absolutely no reason that he could not have waited. But he standing there, tears in his eyes, and every grown up in the shop is looking at me in horror, frozen, some with their hands in their wallets, reaching for snacks, counting how many kids I have, probably getting ready to buy my poor children some fruit snacks, so I caved. I still get mad thinking about it.....Noah's drama and me caving.
Since I began with a Lauren story, I will end a Lauren story. On the way home we stopped at a gas station to stretch our legs and take a bathroom break. Now, Ken York, and some you other hard core travelers, take a deep breath a remember I am traveling with four children under the age of nine, one of which is a little girl who is still working on potty training. We have to be conditioned to travel like you seasoned veterans, so we still take bathroom breaks.
All the kids were allowed to pick out one treat (but not fruit snacks). Lauren choose bubble gum. After I paid for it, she proceeded to put it in the bottom of her dress and roll it up past her belly button, of course in the middle of the gas station, giving everyone there a nice view of her underwear. I said, as I am rolling down her dress, "Lauren, Honey, no, no, sweetie, we don't wrap our bubble gum up in our dresses. No one wants to see your underwear." Lauren put her hands on her hips, bubble gum secure in one hand. She raised her chin in the air. She looked me in the eyes. And in her loftiest voice told me: "But Mommy, they're my princess underwear."
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