The Perfect Mom

I often wonder which elements my children's "perfect mother" would consist of. Would she keep her house perfectly clean, always be there to have the perfect homework answer, give just the right answer to the most challenging of questions, prepare home cooked meals of only the nutritious, well-balanced variety, but make sure to throw in a good fast food meal once in a while so her children do not feel deprived? Also, would she create in her children a good work ethic without them realizing that she was doing it, without them giving her nary an arguement, balancing their material wants with their emotional needs so they all turn out to be emotionally well adjusted adults?

Oh wait, that's my fantasy mother, not my children's. My kids fantasy mother would consist of someone who lets them eat donuts for every meal, wash it down with soda, buys them iPods, an Xbox 360, complete with Halo (unless you are Lauren then you are holding out for Polly Pocket stuff), gives them unlimited screen time on school nights, and a mom that does not, under any circumstance, "waste your good time at church (Jonathon Tolbert)."

In my desperate momements of mommmy insanity, when it feels like I am the only one on the mommy crazy train of over scheduled lives that have too many kids that need to go too many places, I want to grab one of those precious children, force them to look me in the eye, and tell them, "Do you understand that I am doing this for you? I don't need to sit at T-ball/soccer/dance/school to be a better person. I am doing this because I love you and this is important to you!" However, I refrain; it is pointless for two of us be close to a breakdown.

In my darkest moments of mommy wallowing, I wonder to myself, okay, and sometimes to Rich, "Does this even make a difference? Will these kids appreciate it? Do they care about all the schedule arranging, all the things Rich and I give up and rearrange for them? Will they turn out to be decent adults that do not live at home with us well into their forties?" I have faith they my children will turn out just fine because

In my greatest momements of mommy joy, I see and share the laughter and wonder on my childrens faces. We have some marvelous times together as a family. We laugh so hard we have tears coming out of eyes at jokes that will only make sense to us. I watch Jonathon teach his sister soccer or him read Brandon a chapter of Junie B. Jones. I listen to Noah and Brandon quote inappropriate movies lines to each other when they think I am not listening. I watch Brandon carry Lauren's dolls. I see Lauren play army and monster with her brothers. I notice Richard tuck his children into bed and read them stories every night that he is home and by countless examples, teach his children to be decent people in this world.

In my faith filled moments, I know I fall far short of being the perfect mom. That's okay. I know I never will be that mom who has the clean house, has the perfect answer all the time, or always has the meal waiting in the crockpot. I am however, the mom that loves her children beyond measure and strives to show them that in my words and actions.

You Just Have To Let Me Go

Tuesday was kindergarten preview day at our school. For the price of your child the school takes your four year old for two nerve (yours and the teachers) racking hours, and lets your child "preview" kindergarten. Lauren was so excited to attend this event. She picked out her clothes the previous night. Painstakingly, she decided upon a pair of jeans and an orange, long-sleeved, Halloween shirt, with the requisite "Christmas ghosts" on it. The outfit was completed by adding her ruby red sparkly shoes as the footwear of choice.

As a mother of four children I have learned that the first child goes to preview day in matching clothes. The fourth child goes to preview day clean and dressed appropriately for the weather; matching clothes are just a bonus.

Well, the morning of big day, I climbed into Lauren's bed to in order to wake her up (she was already awake, but I climbed in anyway). The following is a transcript of the conversation in which she and I engaged:

Me (all mopey,laying next to Lauren):"New little girl that I bought for $2.00 at the store (another game we play), I just can't let you go to kindergarten preview day. I will just miss you too much."

Lauren (cute and cuddly, warm from sleep, looking at me with her big blue eyes): "New mommy, you just have to let me go. I am ready. I can't stay here. I'll give you some extra cuddlebugs* so you won't be sad."

Lauren: "Cuddlebug, Cuddlebug, Cuddlebug. There now put on your happy face and get out of my way. I need to get ready for school."

Me, laying on the bed, silent, stunned while Lauren put on her Halloween shirt.

So, I hauled my numb self up off the bed and shook myself out my "my baby is going to kindergarten" stupor. Of course, Lauren went to school with no trauma, had a fantastic time, was adored by the teachers, and upon picking her up, I was told by Mrs. J., that:

"Lauren has a fantastic imagination! She stood in the kitchen area, holding a baby doll, dialing the phone, and then ordered a pizza! She didn't even drop the baby! She looked at her little baby and said, 'Hold on sweetie, Mommy's ordering pizza!' What a sweetie!"

I told Mrs. J that Lauren was probably just imitating what she learned at home because her mother has an over scheduled life with four kids. It's probably a good thing I don't drop babies when dialing though!

So, beginning in the fall, I will have another child attending school for a full day.
Sometimes the hardest part of being a mom is waving goodbye through the tears and just trusting them when say "Mommy,you just have to let me go."

*Cuddlebug: Excessive hugging while saying the word "cuddlebug." Much gentler than a bearhug.